Thoughts on Oreos

Oreo Brownie Bar
This is an abomination of all things Oreo, Brownie, or Bar related.

Real Oreos
Undeniably classic because it always is awesome.

Mountain Dew Throwback

Dear Mr. Pepsi and Associates

You have finally done something correct. Your new logos for Pepsi and Mountain Dew make me afraid to walk down the Carbonated Beverage Aisle at my local Piggly Wiggly. Your different Red, Blue, and Purple flavored Mountain Dews are a pox on the name of the classic Nuclear Urine Drink. ProTip: Throwing a Halo or Warcraft based label on the bottle and/or can does not make a bad flavor good.

I am imagining somebody over there probably saw one of those commercials on the MTV about High Fructose Corn Syrup and was surprised to find it was in your Sodas! Your cans are already green colored, and aluminum is a good recyclable material. Using "natural sugar" takes you one step closer to appealing to hippies as well as people who like caffeine and/or extreme sports pitchmen.

None of this however detracts from the fact that Mountain Dew Throwback is actually a good product. From your track record I can only assume it was a mistake. Unlike Coke's perpetual mistake Fresca you can use this to make profit. I would be willing to put my money where my mouth is and eat dollar bills. Also, I would not have a problem paying extra. Please deliver Mountain Dew Throwback to more grocery stores where I have an opportunity to shop and also to the vending machine where I work.

Sincerely,

Mountain Dew Throwback Fan

Video Killed the Radio Star

New Vending Machines! Now with Food!

On Friday we were graced with the prospects of new vendibles. New vending machines were installed, but were still empty. Today they were filled with most of our favorite treats. The Soda machine is larger, but contains the same variety as before. The Chip/Candy machine is smaller, but appears like he can cram more stuff in it. The important part is the addition of refrigerated swivel food machine. It includes such tasty things like milk, juice and grilled cheese sandwiches.

Apparently one employee put in money but was unable to get change. I was witness as another hapless fellow put $1 into the soda machine, and was given change, but no soda. He continued to put another $0.60 into the machine and was still not given a soda. His attempt at the Chip machine was a success.

I tempted the fates with the Chip machine and got some Jalapeño Chips. They are no flavor twists, but it's something different.

Flavor Twists No More?

I didn't have time to post about the return of our glorious Flavor Twists. I was to busy eating them at every turn. Unfortunately, our current vending machine vendor will no longer be supplying us with food-stuffs. We may never see them again.

Where For Art My Flavor Twists?

We had the best snack ever in our vending machine. Fritos Flavor Twists in Honey BBQ. When they were first introduced for 50 cents it was a perfect combination of price, flavor and filler for that addition to my usual lunch.

Then they jacked the prices up to 60 cents. I knew I had to take a stand and boycott until they lowered the price back to 50 cents. At 60 cents they still sold like hot-cakes, and once they sold out the replaced them with some crappy Sour Cream Lays or some crap.

Bring back my Flavor Twists! I'll gladly pay 75 cents for them now!

Your Nuts if You Pay for Beer Nuts!

So today I took a giant leap of faith and bought some "Beer Nuts" from the vending machine. I'm not sure where it ranks on the list of bad choices, but it is absolutely at the bottom of my list of prepackaged nuts available in our vending machine. Right above... well, OK so they are the only prepackaged nuts available in our vending machine last time I checked.

So I don't know if I've ever had proper "Beer Nuts" before but I have had peanuts at bars before and maybe it was just the highly toxic levels of alcohol in my blood but they always seemed to have a flavor.. at least a little. I mean I guess that "Beer Nuts" do have some flavor, but it isn't a desirable flavor. Even just nuts right out of the shell unsalted have a flavor that is better.

"Beer Nuts" are labeled as having a "Sweet & Salty" taste, but I was unable to taste the sweet.. just a very light salt, and the dry husk like thing surrounding the nut. So in the name of science, I put one in my mouth and sucked on it to see if it would change the flavor. Luckily I got to taste sweet for 1 second, and then the sweet was all gone and I was left with the dry husk and the odd lack of taste that I have come to associate with bitter.

In High School anatomy class, when we were doing that thing where you put odd chemicals on your tongue to find the areas on your tongue where certain taste receptors are more heavily concentrated my partner and I both thought our bitter chemical was broken, but it turns out we were just both genetic abnormalities.

Please don't try to poison me with a poison that is bitter.

Please note, Beer Nuts are not Cracker Nuts, as Cracker Nuts have a taste, and it is not awful.